To be or not to be … a Mother

As Mothers day approaches my thoughts go to those of us who are not mothers.  I (Wendy) am in a minority with my choice to not have children.  I think this is a growing minority.  I have heard, from my friends who have children, that their kids don’t want kids.  The next generation is not so quick to jump into the family scene.

I came close once.  I got pregnant by accident.  And when I say by accident, I was 45 and I thought I was going into menopause.  By the fates of the universe the pregnancy was not meant to be, and I’m ok with that.

I have numerous female friends and I can count on one hand how many of us do not have children.  Actually, I think there are just two of us.  I don’t know why I never thought of this until now.  For me it is natural to not have them.  For others, they can’t imagine their life without them.

When I was in my child bearing years I was constantly asked, when are you having kids?  It annoyed me to no end.  Why do people automatically assume that you want to have children?  This isn’t the 17th century.  Women have a choice.  

Granted, for some women this choice is made for them.  They want children but their bodies don’t allow it.  My heart goes out to you.  There is nothing worse than wanting something that should be so natural but is near impossible to have.  Hugs to you ladies.

This was not my reason for not bearing children.  I could have had them, I just didn’t want to.  That biological clock never ticked within me.  Does this make me a bad person? A selfish person? A hater of children?  No.  

I like babies and children.  Let me quantify that.  I like babies and children in small doses.  For me the best part about being around children is when you give them back to their parents. I can not fathom having to care for them 24/7.  The terrible twos, potty training & teenage hormones..  Putting them through school and sports.  Having them live with me for what, 25 years? That would just drive me crazy.  I don’t know how you mothers do it.  In my eyes you ladies have the strength and patience of a Saint.  Either that or you are bat shit crazy.  Maybe a little of both.

I have been a step-mom. I guess I still am but hey are all grown up and self sufficient. My sister has kids so I am a fantastic Aunt. I am the mother of 3, four legged fur babies.  They are my perfect children. They never ask me for money and I can leave them alone without worrying if they will eat my food or drink my beer.  I occasionally have to clean up shit or vomit.  But what mother doesn’t.

To all the mothers out there, thank you for who you are and what you do.  You all deserve a medal.  For all the non mothers out there, thank you for being true to yourselves.  There is no right or wrong.  To be or not to be, that is your choice.

Wendy